Archive for February, 2010

700 DEAD, 2 MILLION COMPLAINING AFTER CHILEAN QUAKE

Sunday, February 28th, 2010

Concepcion, Chile – Flattened homes, collapsed bridges, lives destroyed. That is the harsh reality here in Chile where residents are just starting to come to terms with the massive earthquake that struck their country. Like any natural disaster, the quake came suddenly, in the middle of the night, shaking their world and destroying everything they had taken for granted. The people of Chile are tough though, they are as used to earthquakes as a people can get, and so they get up, dust themselves off, and move on. Scrape TV

JENNY MCCARTHY’S SON SUDDENLY FREE OF AUTISM, MOTHER STILL RETARDED

Sunday, February 28th, 2010

Los Angeles, CA – Despite our incredible advances over the last hundred years or so, there are still many mysteries of the human animal that evade our best scientists. Whether it’s the malignancy of cancer, or the durability of the common cold, there are so many menaces to our health and well being that it might be we will never truly understand them all. We are trying though, and recent breakthroughs have given us greater insight into the complexity of the human animal than ever before, allowing us to understand once mysterious processes. Scrape TV

TASTY WAVES EXPECTED IN HAWAII AFTER MASSIVE QUAKE IN CHILE

Saturday, February 27th, 2010

Honolulu, HI – There are certain areas of the world that are prone to disaster. Tornado Alley in the United States, Earthquakes in Japan, and hurricanes in the Gulf of Mexico are just a few examples of places where disaster is expected. That doesn’t mean that the people who live in those areas are used to such events even if they are, in many ways, better equipped to handle the trauma that such incidents leave behind. While occasionally disasters are so devastating that even those hardy spirits are put to the test, the strength of the human spirit often perseveres. Scrape TV

ENGLAND TO WIPE OUT MOST EMBARRASSING HISTORICAL EVENTS

Saturday, February 27th, 2010

London, U.K. – There are a few nations in the world that have truly redefined the course of human history. Some of those nations, such as Mesopotamia or Iberia, have fallen away, rendered to the soup of history. Others, such as Greece and Mongolia, have become shells of their former selves, relying on handouts and foreign aid only a few centuries after dominating much of the globe. A few though, principally younger nations, have managed to hold onto continued influence and strength despite being far from the heights of their former power. Scrape TV

HEART ATTACK MAY END WORLD’S HEAVIEST MAN’S ATTEMPT AT RECORD

Friday, February 26th, 2010

Ipswich, U.K. – There isn’t a living adult person in the western world who hasn’t at some point worried about his or her waistline. With obesity a growing concern amongst wealthier nations the social and health issue related to being overweight are coming more and more into the public consciousness. It is though, perhaps, unsurprising that weight has become so much of an issue. At our core, human beings are still animals, hardwired to eat and breed above all other concerns. In a world where access to food is almost unlimited, obesity is the natural outcome. Scrape TV

TURKISH COUP ATTEMPT MOSTLY CONCERNS TURKS

Friday, February 26th, 2010

Ankara, Turkey – As long as there is government, there will be opposition. By its inherent nature, government is oppressive to those who feel at odds with the status quo. While it is an essential element of a structured society, the existence of a body which forces law and taxation on ostensibly free people will always draw rankles. Sometimes such opposition is right and successful, witness the Boston Tea Party or the rebellion against Nicolae Ceausescu, but more often than not real rebellions, or coups, against the establishment end in death and imprisonment for the conspirators. Scrape TV

RONALD D. MOORE CONSIDERING LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE REBOOT

Thursday, February 25th, 2010

Hollywood, CA – Memory. Memory is one the most powerful of implements in the human arsenal and one of the characteristics that makes our species so unique. It is memory that allowed us to develop speech, that allowed us the create societies, that has allowed us to become such a successful species. Memory outs us in touch with our past, allows us to recall the beautiful and tender moments of our lives. Memory can also be our undoing. It can keep unpleasant moments fresh in our minds, bending and twisting our souls, perverting our good will. Memory’s power is undeniable. Scrape TV

MLB OFFICIALS ADMIT BASEBALL LARGELY AN EXCUSE FOR GROUP SHOWERS

Thursday, February 25th, 2010

New York, NY – The roots of modern baseball date back to at least 14th century France, though experts believe the true history reaches much further than that. Since those early days of hitting balls with sticks, the sport has evolved into a multi-billion, multi-national empire that has entertained millions for well over a century. Since the beginning of professional baseball in the late 1800’s the sport has grown in popularity and dollar grosses but through all of those changes and scandals and triumphs, the sport has remained America’s favourite past time. Scrape TV

KILLER WHALE REBELLION BEGINS AT SEAWORLD

Wednesday, February 24th, 2010

Orlando, FL – There is little doubt that the reign of the human animal has been the most remarkable in the long history of our planet. Other species have lived much longer but no species has had the incredible level of control over the resources of the planet. No species before has been able to mold the planet to their liking. No species has been able to resist the limitations of their natural body and mind and break free. No species has inhabited almost every corner of the planet. Human beings are the most successful species ever. Scrape TV

CHENEY FAMILY CELEBRATING AFTER LATEST HEART ATTACK PUTS RECORD IN REACH

Wednesday, February 24th, 2010

Washington, D.C. – Essentially, the heart is just a big tough muscle. It pulses constantly, processing blood and pushing it all around our bodies. Like many organ it would obviously be very difficult to live without the heart, but for all its biological necessity, the heart has a much more important role in the human animal. It is the centre of our passion, of our love, of our hate, and of our determination. While much of those notions are largely romantic, because of the way they have permeated our identity they ring as honest as any biological truth. Scrape TV